Rebuilding Self-Esteem
If you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap. If you want to be happy for a day, go fishing. If you want to be happy for a month, get married. If you want to be happy for a year, inherit a fortune. But if you want to be happy for a lifetime, do something good for someone else.
- Anonymous
Without self-esteem, it's impossible to follow your intuition and do the right things that will lead to health and happiness. Self-esteem empowers will. Without self-esteem, will, passion, and determination will drain away. When this occurs, you become more vulnerable to herpes outbreaks caused by negative emotions. Why? Ongoing negative emotions or numbness can adversely affect your immune system, preventing it from functioning effectively to control herpes.
What Causes Self-Esteem to Disappear in the First Place?
Things can happen to you in life that make you doubt yourself, sometimes terrible things, like contracting herpes or being abused in some way (or both). Sometimes it's just how someone you care about says something to you or how they look at you that can make you begin to doubt yourself. That doubt might lead to a fear of negative consequences or the risk of making mistakes. But there's nothing worse for self-esteem than refusing to take direction for your own life and vacillating between difficult choices without ever deciding at all. It can make you feel as though you can't make the right decisions, no matter how small, which leads to stagnation and the feeling that life is passing you by, when, in fact, it is the other way around.
Besides trauma and fear, another cause of low self-esteem is perfectionism. Setting unattainable standards can lead to a gradual decline in self-esteem. Perhaps you're unaware of how unrealistic your ideals or goals truly are, having been raised in a family where only perfection was considered acceptable. Or, maybe you don't give yourself credit for your accomplishments, even though you may have surpassed what might be regarded as average ability, for the same reason. Constant expectation and striving for perfection lead to stress, overwhelm, and an inability to find self-acceptance. Hence, low self-esteem.
Living with a chronic condition can also cause a lack of self-esteem. It's challenging to feel good about yourself when you're sick or in pain, or never know when you might be. For example, those with Fibromyalgia can feel fine for a day or two and then find it hard to get out of bed for a week or longer. They do it because they have to, but they feel awful. People with chronic herpes infections often feel exhausted due to the flu-like symptoms, as well as the agonizing itch, burn, and pain that the lesions cause. Those with long-COVID are facing serious issues. Folks with Cancer...well, you get the idea. It can be easy for self-esteem to "fly right out of the window" when you can't control how you feel in your body.
In essence, self-esteem is lost when you doubt your ability to handle what life throws at you (a hurt, a setback, a trauma, a loss, a condition), or when your standards are set so high that no one, not even you, can reach them. It plummets when you resist change and become stagnant because you're afraid of the unknown.
You lose self-esteem when you stop trusting yourself.
Over the next 14 days…
… decide to focus on carrying out the following activities to rebuild self-esteem. Try not to strive for perfection. Seeking perfection is another way of losing self-esteem. No one is perfect. Just focus on making small changes. After 14 days, you'll feel so much better.
Get Enough Sleep
We have a natural, built-in body rhythm that suggests we get our best sleep between 11 PM and 2 AM. Begin going to bed a half-hour earlier each week until you can get up at the same time every day and still get 8-10 hours of sleep. Get up at the same time every day. Sooner or later, you'll find yourself going to bed at the same time each night. See Getting a Good Night's Sleep.
Get Dressed When You Get Up
Do you want to feel like a loser? Day after day, hang out in your pajamas and watch the sun go down without ever getting dressed. Mark the start of your day by getting up, eating, brushing your teeth, or taking a shower. Stay away from screens. Finish your breakfast first. Prioritize your to-do list and do them. If you want to fly to Paris but only have $5 to your name, put that on your list too. You'll be delighted every time you see it on your notepad (this aligns with stretching your mind with imagination, mentioned later). Then, and only then, after you are fed with genetically appropriate foods and dressed, go about your day.
Eat Well, or At Least Better
Include a protein or healthy fat at each meal (such as cheese, meat, or eggs). Rather than calories, focus on eating genetically appropriate nutrition, complete with colorful foods, to relieve anxiety, panic, and overwhelm.
Cut Back On or Avoid Alcohol, Sugar, Processed Foods & Stimulants
- While it can be beneficial to have one alcoholic beverage here and there, it isn't healthy as a regular "treat". It harms your liver, destroys healthy gut bacteria, and is stored as fat in the body. It also causes panic attacks and depression in many people. Cut back to one correctly portion-sized beverage daily or none at all.
- If you are drinking a large amount of caffeine, switch to oolong tea (a combination of black and green tea). Once you are accustomed to it, try switching to green or herbal tea.
- Avoid foods made from white ingredients, such as white flour, bread, rice, potatoes, and sugar.
- Use stevia, a natural sugar substitute that can be cooked with, found at health food stores, or a small amount of raw honey for sweetening. Please note that stevia can cause diarrhea in sensitive individuals. If so, cut back or refrain from using it altogether.
- Avoid all prepared and junk foods. They cause acidosis, which in turn triggers inflammation, leading to herpes outbreaks. Going cold turkey isn't necessary or suggested, but cooking a meal instead of eating that frozen pizza is.
Move That Body of Yours
There may be times when regular exercise programs are out of the question, but try to find some activities you enjoy, such as walking on the beach or gentle stretches, to incorporate some movement into your life. I discuss the four different types of exercise to choose from and provide precautions to take when living with herpes here.
Get Rid of Junk and Clutter
How could you create healthier spaces for yourself? Take a look around. Remove junk, clutter, and dirt from your house, yard, office, or car. Clutter and garbage can have a negative impact on your energy, making you feel stuck and causing stress-related symptoms.
I know how hard it can be to give things away, especially gifts from others. We form attachments or tell ourselves we may need it someday, or that we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. However, if it's been over a year since you last used something and you're unsure when you might use it again, it's time to let it go. If you still have the same clothes you wore when you were an itty-bitty teenager and are now a size 12, let them go. If you have cards and letters from childhood, organize them in albums or decorative boxes. Keep the word "simplify" in your mind as you eliminate junk and clutter. You'll feel so much more energized when you accomplish this task.
Is there something you could sell? It may help to look at it this way. Objects have a life too. There's nothing wrong with giving them a better one where they will be useful and loved again and pocketing some change while doing so.
Engage in Activities & Clean Ups
Remember, emotional feelings always follow taking action. Get to the store for dish soap, good food, and the sake of getting out.
Engage with nature. You'll feel better for doing so. Go to a park, and tune into all that you see, hear, and smell. Plant your bare feet in the grass to soak up the Earth's vibes to get grounded.
If you are invited somewhere and even a part of you wants to go, then go! Nothing can defeat your self-esteem more than becoming isolated and telling yourself you have nothing to share with others. You will feel so much better after you do so, even if it is just that you allowed yourself to go. Your perspective and mood will improve, and you will feel happier with yourself.
Find areas to clean and organize around your house or yard. Face it. Even perfectionists neglect their spaces in some capacity when their self-esteem isn't what it should be. Clutter and garbage can have a negative impact on your energy. Organizing and cleaning your house helps to clean up your mind and energy.
Be Around Positive People
Not everyone has a network of positive people to surround themselves with. Some of us don't have even one person to lean on. If this is you, rent a comedy show or movie that will make you roll with laughter.
If you do have positive people who uplift you, reach out to them. Invite them over, even if you don't feel like it or don't feel you have anything to share. You do. You just don't know it. You'll be glad you did. Better yet, invite yourself out to their place for a bit of instant perspective. Visiting our friends' homes reminds us that we are a part of something larger in the world than ourselves. Friendship is a gift. Use it.
Given the current state of the world, it may not be possible to visit others in person. Get online and join groups or forums and meet like-minded individuals.
Restrict yourself from watching any drama or news for two weeks and see if you can't feel your energy levels shifting positively. The world won't end when you stop watching drama and the news. If it does, it won't matter anyway. Instead, read a novel, paint something, or cook up a batch of healthy snacks. Use the senses God gave you.
Listen To Self-Empowering, Energizing Music
Even if you are not a music lover, finding music you love to listen to can help boost your self-esteem in the same way as finding like-minded people. After all, a person wrote it.
I'm not talking about your favorite head-banging music or music that makes you want to beat someone up or makes you want to cry when you hear the words. No. Listen to music that soothes, dissolves into the background, and feels truly soothing, like a spiritual massage. You might check out your cable television music channel, if you have a paid TV subscription, or on YouTube. Play it while you cook, do dishes, read, type, drive, or love a pet. Most animals and children love soft music, by the way.
When I need to tap into my spiritual self, I often listen to music, such as the soundtrack from The Last Kingdom. It might not be your thing, but it takes me to a distant land and far-off dreams. Find your thing. Listen regularly.
